This feeling isn’t new, is it? the desperate desire to be with this one person but the ever so present reality that it’s probably not gonna happen. In fact, I think this feeling pretty much sums up my entire romantic life.

So, many scenarios always playing in my head. So many possibilities and desires always dancing with a definite knowledge of none of them ever playing out. But this is good you know. This means I’ll be friends with him, so we will probably be closer. I’ll probably know him for a longer time then had we been together because knowing me that would’ve lasted like 2 days, maybe 2 weeks maximum. There’s no pressure or restrictions if we were to chill with his friends. There’s no pressure of commitment while we are together. There’s just no anything when we’re each others company.

But the problem, there’s just this want, this longing, this desire that’s been burning straight for a few months now and I think the crush point has been passed a long time ago. I think it’s relatively clear that I like this guy. ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHH!

Perhaps this is for the best. But I can’t be his friend. Not like this. Not this way. It’s okay though. With enough distance and time, He’ll just be another heartbeat that I’ll dwell on every now and then…


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